im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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