We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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