My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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