i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
