dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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