Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we're so committed to being not committed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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