I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
