i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
