Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
