I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All the doctor said was why
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
