I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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