i already hear my dad disowning me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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