You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
