Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
