Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
