I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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