worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
