He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
