I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
