I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My ass is underappreciated
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
