So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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