I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
