On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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