I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
