Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
