I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
