Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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