I'm lost and stupid without you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
