She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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