If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
