we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
