Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
