i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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