I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
