You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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