I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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