Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
