So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
