As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's blow job season.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
