need another drink. this is the easiest way
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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