woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
