I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
