I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
