dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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