Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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