ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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