and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
