Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
