In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
