i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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