So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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